Portfolio annotations

Overall Reflection
Overall, portfolio number 2 continued with peer revision, drafting, and reading. But we also obtained new information on outlining, thesis statements, reading images, and researching. Outlining was a way to help a writer organize their thoughts on what they prefer to write. There are different kinds of outlining; for example a person can organize by using roman numerals, free writing, or the MEAL plan. Outlining can be telling what a person’s observation is and it shows by using evidence to support an observation. On the other hand, thesis statements are what display the main purpose or topic of an essay. It can introduce a point that the writer is trying to give to the reader. For example, my thesis statement from my essay is “In our society’s case, perfection is imaginary due to war, poverty, sickness, torture and crime. Seeing our community as a perfect environment is certainly setting high standards that would take time and consideration from people to achieve.” My statement shows the reader that the essay will be talking about perfection and how a society can or can’t be perfect. In order to produce my essay, we had to read an image to get the topic of our paper. I chose a picture that seemed powerful to me by the form of body language and emotion represented. Therefore, I wrote my essay with the same attitude I had by looking at the image.
From the new information we learned for portfolio two made my work easier than not knowing the technique of outlining or researching. For outlining, I ended using the “spider plot”. Which has the topic in the middle and from this box I made subtopics boxes, each containing their own details. Using this plot helped me to focus on what I had planned to write so I wouldn’t run off track. Also, researching was more interesting due to the topic I had chosen to write about: Perfection/Utopia. For research, I tried the internet first and I found information but I wasn’t sure if it was relevant. I then found books on Utopia at the library and trusted the info that I received. At the library I ended up getting twice as more information than I did from the internet. By researching, it helped me to produce a thesis statement which led into helping me start my essay. My thesis does the job of covering the topic I will discuss in my writing. Also from learning how to read from an image I found this activity more exciting because it was interesting to figure out the point to an image. From observing my image is how I came up with the topic of “perfection.”
In the future I want to continue using outlining techniques and researching and eventually improve on these skills. I became a huge fan of peer revision also. I’ve never done peer revision until I was introduced to it in this class. I find it helpful because my peer usually finds issues in my writing that I would have never seen. I like the honesty from my peer because in the long run it saves me embarrassment when it is time to hand in my paper. Out of all the new techniques we’ve learned, peer revision was my favorite. As for research and thesis statements, those will only improve from the amount of time I spend on them. I tend to come across research papers once in a blue moon because essays that are assigned to me usually have to do with my personal thoughts. But I will defiantly take what I’ve learned on thesis and research into consideration because I know I will come across these types of essays again.

Research Reflection
Researching on my topic “Utopia” and “perfection” wasn’t hard but it related to many other topics such as politics and relationships. As mentioned before, I first turned to the internet to begin researching. I noticed perfection is a topic that can be told through other people’s opinions on what it should be. I found many online articles from other people that contained their own personal feelings on the subject. I even found videos that documented random people and explained their thoughts on perfection. Meanwhile, when I searched Utopia on the internet I found a great deal of history on where the term was founded and why. But after a while of internet searching on perfection and Utopia, I began to find repeated information. I turned next to the library and found 2 good books on Utopia and these books ended up answering all of my questions. What, where, how, and why there is a word Utopia.
I’ve learned that researching on the internet may get you far but if you want to look for info to go much deeper into a topic, I recommend a library. As said before, the internet can be sketchy at times and not provide people with the right information. When I began research, the internet was a good starting point for narrowing down my topic, then with the topic I chose I went on to using more relevant information out of a library. I will admit I never did take the time to read written articles from authors to support pieces of information in my paper. Even though the internet provided me with enough personal thought articles from others, I still should have read actual articles from a magazine or journal to see truthful information.

Abstract
Context: I will be exploring the term Perfection and describe is the word is imaginary or reality.
Problem: I will discuss why the world around us is not perfect. There are too many different cultures, beliefs, and goals to settle on one agreement.
Launching Point: I want to cover how not having a perfect world effects people.

Essay Reflection

Writing this research paper helped me to improve on my skills of researching and writing a thesis statement. Putting in all together the methods I learned this semester: outlining, peer revision, researching, drafting, and reading images, I now can take what I learned and turn it into any good paper. I tested this knowledge by first choosing an image I thought was powerful. In the image are a man, a woman, and a child in a stroller. By the way the couple is standing with the child in the middle, staring out onto a heart sculpture reminded me of how “perfect” this image was taken. Keep in mind this was not a planned scene, the picture was taken at the right moment. After examining the picture a little bit more, the body language of the couple showed they may have issues going on in their life. The way they are both positioned, looking at the heart, could resemble troubles in love, money, or just the moment itself. This picture showed a perfect example of the world today. It represents families in their same situation; by taking a break from what is around them and admiring how something is so simple but yet beautiful. Therefore, the topic of my paper was perfection and later leading into the term Utopia. Then as I wrote my paper I continued with my knowledge of the thesis statement, drafting, and revising. By the time I was done with the paper I’ve experienced throughout my research all the skills needed to make a great paper. Even though I favored more methods than others, I will still continue to use all of them.

Outlining

Now that we have done a draft for our introduction, we now need to think about the whole draft itself. Think about how you will organize the draft by having an outline. An outline is made up of methods or structures that help organize your thoughts. When thinking about an outline, we think of our topic, support, and evidence statements. There are many different ways to construct an outline, such as using roman numerals, capital letters, or numbers. Not everyone is a linear organizer; others may organize by free writing. They can have the main idea, evidence, analysis, and then a link. The main idea correlates with the topic sentences, evidence is your idea from research, analysis is the reading of the research, and the link follows into the next section. Non-free writers can have an introduction, and then with each part include the MEAL.
Outlining can be telling and showing what you want to write about. Telling explains your observations on the topic and showing is using evidence to support your observation. In each paragraph, you should include 3-4 tells and 3-4 shows.

annotations

The source from which I picked from the website You Tube is my favorite. It is a video that shares opinions of others on what they think a perfect society is. This helped me think about how people see what the term perfect is; helped to define.

Another source that I also admired was a short poem on how life is perfect. In this poem it mentioned how the author told a guy that he was perfect, the guy responded with “but I am not perfect.” This helped me to think a lot of people feel the same way, they are not perfect as well.

The source on Utopia is probably my main source in which majority of my info will come from. It talks about what utopia is and where the term came from.

intro to essay

Can anything in the world be known as perfect, such as jobs, relationships, traveling, or the world itself? If so, how can we define this certain something as perfect? Perfection can be seen as being flawless; there are no defects or problems. It can be seen as an adjective, describing people, places and things as nice, beautiful, charming, loving, satisfying and pleasing. Although when we think of “perfect”, is it reality or imaginary? For example, in our society’s case, perfection is imaginary due to war, poverty, hunger, torture and crime. Seeing our community as a perfect environment is certainly setting high standards that would take time and consideration from people to achieve.
Another form of being “perfect” is Utopia; which is a name for an ideal society. Utopia is seen as unrealistic; displaying a faultless image of the world around us. The reason for Utopia being unrealistic is because it sets high standards of the world that people will never see. For instance, Utopia would present an image of the world showing cultures interacting friendly with other cultures. It would show these cultures enjoying each other’s company and beliefs and not judging one another by color or race. In this case, the term perfect is important because the welcoming of different cultures can eventually lead into world peace. If there were to be any issues between the groups, the solutions to the problems would not include violence or war. For a society to be ideal may be asking for too much but it is a thought that makes us wonder if a perfect society would ever happen.

9 sources

www. Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. 2009. 4 November 2009
Www.rumormillnews.com. Nemesis, 06 May 2009. Web. 04 Nov. 2009. .

www.HelpingTeens.org. 18 June 2009. Web. 04 Nov. 2009. .

www.wikipedia.org N.p., 2009. Web. 6 Nov. 2009 .

Lawrence, David W. www.muddleglum.orconhosting.net N.p., July 2000. Web. 6 Nov. 2009 .

www.encyclopedia.farlex.com N.p., 2000. Web. 6 Nov. 2009 .

Spannos, Chris. www.zmag.org N.p., 5 July 2008. Web. 6 Nov. 2009 .

"Utopia-The Perfect World." www.youtube.com N.p., n.d. Web. 6 Nov. 2009
.

Fresco, Jacques. "Perfect Society." www.youtube.com N.p., n.d. Web. 6 Nov. 2009 .

context/problem/launching point

Context:
I will be exploring Healthcare and the benefits and issues we have with the system. I would like to learn exactly what it is because it is a daily problem in this country.

Problem:
My image displays emotions such as confusion or "how do we solve this together?" The couple could have been thinking of anything at the moment; so i picked a common issue in America. It tends to bring more disappointment rather than relief.

Launchig Point:
I want to cover why there are issues with this system and how it affects people everyday. If there is one, i would like to find the bright side of the contoversy.

Richard Miller

Richard Miller describes how the world should dream. He focuses on technology today, such as having our laptops. He mentions to his audience that having a library is useless because everything we use at a library is on our hand held computers. To prove his point further, he explains the differences between incremental and fundamental. Incremental would be using our computers on a daily basis while fundamental represents a library. He feels the technology with computers is a better way of learning. Between typed documents and educational films, why wouldn’t a person use a computer? To support his answer on why he feels learning with a computer is more useful, he mentions an article he had written in the response of the Virginia Tech killings. Visually, he showed his audience the readable text and emotional pictures all in one sitting. He also had done a Martin Luther King document that included text, images, and even films. The examples of imagery put an effect on the audience. Resources needed for a certain person is all on one page on the internet; while a library contains endless amounts of books.

Miller sees the internet as a way of showing a person’s dream to the public. Rather than hiding the idea of a dream, the concept of the dream is shared with others. Or even when it comes to learning about another person’s story, the internet allows us to dig deeper and see the backstage of how a certain story was produced. In books we can only read and see images on a certain story, but the internet can contain a film of how the certain story was even thought of. Miller strongly encourages people to take how we can learn from the internet source of technology seriously.

images for portfolio2

Mark Rose

Mark Rose describes his educational experience through his years of vocational classes. His classes were more known for kids who don’t take education seriously, therefore the teachers teaching vocational classes didn’t either. He mentions the different kids he has met and explains their stories. For example, Dave Snyder was a track super star but his studies weren’t so good, yet he was still respectful to teachers. Or Ken Harvey who caught Mark’s attention by discussing religious facts and Ken happened to be chosen to answer a question. Ken responded with “I just want to be average.” Mark notices Ken say average and not the word perfect.
Mark also mentions his troubles at home with his father fighting a disease called arteriosclerosis. As if dealing with vocational school wasn’t enough, his father dies due to continuous health problems. Life at the moment wasn’t going well but then one day Mark was inspired by a teacher named Jack Macfarland. Mark’s first impression of him wasn’t pleasing; Jack looked as if he slept in his own car. But they way jack presented himself was totally different from how he teaches. He would assign multiple essays a month, he had his students reading a new book every 2 weeks, and he would test his students every other day on the material they were assigned to read. This type of education was different to Mark. But Mark ended up enjoying receiving good grades and understood more of why some kids take getting good grades as such a big deal. Because of jack, Mark was turned into a new person.

3 images

Yancey summary

Yancey is a professor of English and wrote an article on the writing assessment through print and electronic portfolios. She mentions the term Ecology many times throughout her article. Ecology is the study of living organisms and how they interact with other organisms in their environment. Ecology relates to the importance of digital or print because the term helps to understand the difference between the two types of portfolios more clearly. An electronic portfolio displays a “…ecology of composing and composer.” Meaning to take all the written drafts and compiling them into one digital print. On the other hand, a finished print portfolio has a curricular ecology. The print model is more social, persuasive, and has more interaction in the classroom of drafting and redrafting. Rather than a single draft directed toward a one person audience. As portfolios change from print to digital, text is more visible to read and the technique has helped exercise the visual and verbal mind.

Evaluation on portfolio's

1) Collection
2)Range
3)Context richness
4)Delayed evaluation
5)Selection
6)Student center control
7)Reflection and self assessment
8)Growth along specific perimeters
9) Development over time

james kinneavy

James Kinneavy’s aims of discourse explain two different types of writers: and encoder and decoder. Encoder writers are known to be expressive in their writing. When in an environment of just themselves, they tend to have conversation and write in journals or diaries. But when they are with a group of people they have contracts and religious credos. On the other hand, a decoder is someone who is persuasive; such as politics, advertisement, and editorials. The style between both encoder and decoder are literary; like short stories, novels, lyrics and movies. In reality, we may see both of these characters at seminars (exploratory), in scientific essays (scientific), or textbooks (informative). My reaction to Kinneavy’s description of two different kinds of writers was putting his info into a table like picture. It reminded me of the compare/contrast circles, where the similarity between the two was written in the middle and the differences in the circles. His way of describing what a encoder and decoder was would be helpful to those who are visual learners and his technique is more interesting than reading paragraph by paragraph.

My opinion on my revision

After reading my second final draft for “The writing process is like or unlike…” I found that it was ten times better than my first draft. In this paper, there was an introductory paragraph labeling my key subtopics that I discussed throughout the essay. There was also a conclusion paragraph that summed up all of the key points (unlike the last draft, there was no concluding paragraph at all and I stopped writing in the middle of a key topic.) I found the essay to be organized; each paragraph had a point and each paragraph help take place of another in a smooth manner.
Although, there may need to be more examples or explanations that need to be in the paper but I don’t see it. The only vague point that I noticed was in paragraph two, when I was describing how my backhand needed to be improved on after I played my match. I could have given more detail on why it needed to be improved or why it was acting the way it was.
I’m not sure if I needed to give a short explanation on what tennis is, there could be a situation when the reader isn’t sure about it and the examples I give are hard to understand. Otherwise, if the reader was familiar to the game of tennis, the paper would be easy to comprehend.

teachers answer

Between four teachers: Sommers, Tinberg, Sanchez, and Rose, each one of them explains how they respond to student’s writings. For example, Sommers argues if teachers should comment or not comment on every little detail in a paper (from commas to paragraphs). If she were to write a comment, she makes sure there is a purpose behind the comment. Tinberg mentions he writes comments on papers to give advice. The grade doesn’t fully depend on how many red-penned side notes are listed; his comments are instrumental. The summative comments are there for a grade while the formative comments are there to help revise. Sanchez likes to give the students explanations for his written comments. He is straightforward and says what the paper is doing and tells how well the student did it. Last but not least, Rose gives compliments to students in a more physical way. He will put an arm around a shoulder and exaggerate on how well the student did in class today.

Revision

Now that I have read though it with the comments, I agree with…
· Improving word choice
· Putting in an introductory paragraph
· Include more evidence/detail of examples

I plan to change…
· My habit of not including introductory paragraph
· When I make an introductory paragraph, add in all my points o what will be in my essay.
· My word choice, decrease use of words such as “something, thing”
· Give more variety in word choice

I believe…
· My word choice can be poor at times
· that I am aware of not giving an introductory paragraph

persistance on writing

A question that has left people wondering: are people reading anymore? In today’s society, the multimedia has taken over written texts and English teachers are concerned with the issue. They are not completely against students using multimedia all the time but they are more worried about all written material disappearing because of using audio, video, or audiovisual technology. Although Crain makes it clear that reading comes with all sorts o benefits. For example, to learn, it requires reading and people who read on their own have certain skills in understanding written communication. Ong mentions how words sharpen a person’s analysis; it understands a reading without the help of emotions, gestures, or sound. He considers this a tool that must not be lost.
Writing can be seen as a “think for yourself” situation. Reading and writing is known for transforming the human consciousness and without it out our literate minds wouldn’t think the way it does. Even though the multimedia has taken over, both this and writing should still be taught. They each have their own set of purposes and effects that students need to experience.

Since when did multimedia become such an issue in the writing world?

Even though teachers care more for written material, what do the students consider as a better option?

questions 9/7/09

Barthlomae

Writing process is learning and understanding how to go beyond your comfort zone of writing.


Writing process is like being talented in a sport, yet there are still some things you can improve on. Writing process is unlike riding a bike. The day your set foot on a petal, you will always ride a bike the same. There is no improving in bike riding.


The cause of my writing is when I’m only assigned to write. Even though I only write when I have too I still enjoy it because after all the hard work and revising it, the feeling of having it done and knowing it’s a good paper is a great feeling.


The one scholar that supports my view of writing is professor Jeff Howard. He has graded a couple papers of mine and so far I like how he tells me what I can use some work on in a polite manner, on the other hand I also like his feedback on the good things I have done in my writing.


Elbow

Writing process is described as taking steps and becoming organized in writing a paper.


My writing process is compared to life in general. When I write I just go for it, there is no making of an outline. In life, I wake up every day not knowing what’s going to happen. I ask myself “will I meet new people today?” “Will something happen to change my mood drastically?” In writing I just write, I don’t now if I will come up with something or not to change my opinion in the essay. It’s more of surprising myself.


My writing process is associated with organizing and knowing what I’m going to do next. Having goals helps me get the paper done.

The parts of my writing process and how they relate to each other are just to start writing, there usually is no outlining and writing down what each paragraph will contain and in what order. I simply grab some paper and go for it.

Elbow-Bartholomae debate

David Bartholomae has had many discussions with Peter Elbow but in this discussion they decided to go public. David describes academic writing as something that is needed for an undergraduate to experience. Although he points out that academic writing is not writing of their own. It may prove what they have learned in school but it has nothing to do with them. David mentions how a student needs space to write on there own. For example, free writing, which is an open space to write with no pressure and is free from influences on culture or history.
Teachers are the ones who take on the responsibility of giving the correct advice to their students. Bartholomae sees teachers as managers but they have to be more than a manager who is just assigning topics. They need to consider their classroom as an open space.
If teachers offer the students a chance to have authority over there own writing then they will feel the pleasure of having power of what they put down on paper. If it weren’t for the classes and teachers having open spaces than students wouldn’t be able to be the person they see in other people’s writing.

Peter Elbow

Peter Elbow expresses his special ways of writing for a catch-your-attention kind of paper. When he first started out in grad school, he realized his writing wasn't college material. He would try anything he could to improve his papers but it never succeeded; therefore he was kicked out. Eventually he came back to grad school to become an English professor.
To get to where he is today he mentions how he learned from failure. For 3 yeas he wrote letters and notes to himself about how he was writing at the time. As 3 years passed and reading as much as he could from the letters, it made him realize where he was strong and weak at in his writing. He uses the phrase "making a mess" as his way of planning what he is going to write. Clearly, he was not an outline-type of person and left him in knots. He takes about 5-15 minutes to write down his thoughts on a certain assignment or randomly jot down an idea about the topic. Later he would collect all the ideas and consider that his outline.
He also mentions "creating and criticizing" is important. Creating means generating ideas or taking anything that comes to mind. While criticizing your writing can be known as a picky job; such as spelling, and correct word use.

Questions:
1) How did he develop his writing skills, was it all on his own?
2) When did he consider writing a passion of his and how?

Writing skills

Writing is something I enjoy when it's on a topic I have experience in or when it's a personal reflection. At times I do consider writing a struggle for me because of my weak use of strong vocabulary. I tend to use simple words and rarely use words that require a dictionary or thesaurus at my side (keep in mind these are the two best materials ever made). Although, I know for a fact that I can organize my writing. Meaning I can put writing in a chronological order from beginning, middle, and end. An example would be writing about the development of a tennis player. I would start out with the basic instructions on how to hit the ball correctly. Then I would continue on how to play competitive tennis successfully in tournaments. Finally I would describe tennis as an 80% mental game and 20% physical, (of course through out the essay I would give details and examples).
The one time in my entire writing career that I was successful at writing was my sophomore year of high school. It took place in a world history class, along with an intimidating, strict teacher. Our assignment was to write a 5-7 page paper on the Palace of Versailles. Starting out on this paper I had no understanding of what or where the Palace of Versailles is. Two weeks go by and the teacher has graded the paper and to my surprise he gave me an A+. He makes a huge seen about it to the class saying "see class this is what your paper should look like!" I felt like a queen for a day.